She's a Big Girl Now

How can life go by so fast? I swear it was just yesterday that I was holding Avery in my arms in the hospital. Now she is smiling, crawling, sitting in a high chair, and drinking from a sippy cup. Ellie's newborn stage went by so slowly; Avery's was over in the blink of an eye. Avery has such a spunky personality. She's going to be such a tease, I can already tell. She likes to crawl to the stairs then look at me and wait until I'm watching. As soon as she catches my eye she smirks and starts crawling up the stairs.

She gets so excited when Jeremy gets home from work. The second the door opens she crawls over chanting, "Da, da, da, da, da" until he picks her up. She wants to be with Ellie the majority of the day. She will follow her around, and if she doesn't get to play with what Ellie is playing with she will let you know of her discontent. She's a little bit of a mommy's girl. She takes a minute to warm up to strangers, and will hug to my chest if they try to talk to her.

She loves to dance, especially to "The Greatest Showman" soundtrack. She'll nod her head, bounce on her knees, and lately she'll stand up and shake her arms with pride. If she loves her meal she'll pound it. If she doesn't she'll try to feed it to Kanye. Watching her drink is hilarious to me. She gets a very serious face and smooshes the sippy cup right up to her nose then chugs.

She is a lot more busy than I remember Ellie being (it might just be from lack of memory though). Avery is constantly trying to get into things she knows that Mom and Dad don't want her to get into. You can always tell when she's aiming to get into trouble because her crawl turns into turbo-drive. She wants to love Kanye so hard, but we have to remind her to be soft. To be fair, Kanye is pretty good at being right in her face. Avery is so very loved by all, and she is such a great addition to our family.

First thing in the morning on Avery's birthday we had her open presents. Of course Ellie was just as excited, if not more so, about the new toys. Ellie immediately exclaimed, "We share toys, right Mom?!" I was lucky enough to catch it on video and plan to play it for her anytime she decides that sharing isn't the most convenient. Later that night we got some pizzas and had a pizza night once Jeremy got home from work.

The part of Avery's birthday that I was the most excited for was making her smash cake. I saw the cutest rainbow piping on a cake made by Cake by Courtney. I wanted to try  my hand at it so bad! I made the rainbow chip cake by using three 4" spring form pans. In between the layers I used rainbow chip frosting (from the can).  I made Courtney's buttercream frosting recipe for the outside of the cake and the piping. I love how it turned out! I have a lot of practice to do with piping, but I couldn't help but be pleased.

We were so excited when we found out that my parents were going to be in town the weekend of Avery's birthday. We went out to lunch with them to Seven Brothers Burgers. They never disappoint! Their fries are what dreams are made of, and don't even get me started on the burgers.  It was so great to spend some time with my mom and dad. We were sad to see them go home.

The Monday following Avery's birthday we had the party continue. We had over Jeremy's siblings and their families to have dinner and cake. Avery finally got to try her cake! She wanted to eat it so bad, but couldn't figure out the best way to go about it. There were a few tears of frustration, but after I helped her get a few handfuls there was no going back.

She was a huge fan! She probably ate over half the cake. Needless to say it was a mess to clean up, but it was totally worth it. We loved celebrating our little girl, and looking back at the year we've had with her. She is such a blessing in our lives and the best addition to our little family. We love you Aves!

Older & Wiser, Too

This week we celebrated Mister's birthday. We're so lucky to have this guy around. He takes such good care of us. I'm always humbled by the sacrifices he makes for us, yet he never complains. He loves our little girls more than life itself, and he makes me feel like I am his world. To celebrate we went to dinner with the girls then came home for cake. Later in the week Jeremy and I had a little date night just to ourselves.

I gave Jeremy a list of cakes to choose from and he chose the Oreo Cheesecake Chocolate Cake from OMG Chocolate Desserts. It was a good choice. Oh my word, it was a good choice. The Oreo cheesecake sandwiched between the chocolate cake layers was heavenly. Top it with the dark chocolate ganache and there is no going back. The best part was that it was such an easy recipe!

Day 19

It's hard to stay motivated. I did pretty good yesterday, but today I'm really struggling. It doesn't help that the one time of day that you get to yourself either the baby refuses to sleep or the neighbor girl comes over to play while your toddler would be taking a nice long nap. I'm trying hard to stay positive and make good choices. Some days I rock it and other days I completely blow it.

Today is somewhere in the middle. I went running, cleaned a bathroom, got groceries, put them away, and found time for some spiritual meditation, but I didn't get anything else done. I was going to pull some orders for my shop. I was going to get more things put together for Ellie's birthday party. I was going to make a delicious snack for my girls' night tonight. I was going to clean the kitchen, vacuum, and mop. I have a plan for dinner tonight though, so there's that.

I still don't know what to do about my shop. Part of me still feels like I should close it down, but the other part of me wants to see where it takes me. I don't want to be a quitter. I always quit when things get too hard. If things don't come easy to me I don't even try. I've worked so hard on this shop, and even though I have a lot more work to do I want to keep going. Maybe I just need to be better about picking my priorities. I've been off-balance lately, I know I have. I wish spiritual nudges were easier to understand. More like spiritual jolts, you know.

Day 18

This last weekend the members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints gathered and watched a general conference. This conference is broadcast all over the world. Many member congregate in churches or (the lucky ones) in their homes. Some also attend the conference live in Salt Lake City, Utah. During the conference we hear from the leaders of the church speak on principles that they are inspired to extend to us. We get to hear from the prophet of God, who is a mouthpiece of the Lord and reveals revelation to us.

Lately, there have been a lot of changes in the Church of Jesus Christ. A few are:

1. Reorganization of some of the organizations in the church.
2. A deeper emphasis of gospel study at home by shortening the amount of time spent at church each Sunday.
3. Revamping the way that members take care of each other.

There were a lot of messages that were shared, but the one that stuck out to me is the importance of motherhood. According to "The Family - A Proclamation to the World" we learn that " Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children." This proclamation was introduced in 1995 as a stance of how the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints viewed the responsibilities of the family and such. I also know that I can be successful in anything I set my mind to. I want to raise worthy and worthwhile children who understand the importance of serving God and others.

After listening to all of the inspirational messages of the weekend I have a deep feeling that  I should pause doing my shop right now. It's not the right time. I don't know if there will ever be a good time, but now is definitely not it. I want to focus on my number one priority -- my family. My shop has been fun but it has taken from the time that I should be focusing on more important things. I've  been trying to decide if I should quit cold turkey, or if I should finish off the upcoming Christmas season. Since I just received a bunch of new inventory I feel as though I should work on selling as much of it as I can in the upcoming months then close down. I have a boutique that I have been accepted to vend at and another that I'm waiting to hear back from. I figure I will do the boutiques then do a big sale to get rid of the rest. After that I will close up shop.

When I mentioned to Jeremy that I was thinking I should stop selling things he was worried for me because he has seen how good it has been for me to have a hobby. It keeps me sane when dealing with little ones all day long. I agree that having a hobby is good, but I just don't think that Oh, Elle is the right hobby currently. It's too time consuming. I wouldn't mind working on my writing, drawing, and cooking skills. I think I would love to write a children's book one of these days.

Part of me is sad to let go of something that I have worked so hard on. The other part of me is relieved. Although I like having a shop, there are a lot of things I don't like. I don't like the marketing part of it. The social media side of it gives me anxiety and I always feel pressured to be posting. I think it will be a nice break.  

For now I am going to focus on the challenge Pres. Nelson issued the women of the church:

1. Take a 10 day fast from social media and any other media that distracts you from what is good.
2. Read the entire Book of Mormon by the end of the year.
3. Start going regularly to the temple.
4. Participate in Relief Society more fully.

Here goes a new chapter. Wish me luck!

Day 7

Where does the time go? Ellie is going to be four before I know it, then five, then she'll be in kindergarten. Before I know it she won't want to cuddle with me anymore, and she won't say her sweet funny sayings anymore. She turned from a baby to a toddler and now she's turning from a toddler to a child. I can't handle it. I'm not ready for this.

Also, here's a part of Ellie's bedtime prayer tonight, "Please bless I can play soccer even though it's just for boys, and please bless Reef that he will be a nice boy."

Day 4

Alma 5:26 "And now behold, I say unto you, my brethren, if ye have experienced a change of heart, and if ye have felt to sing the song of redeeming love, I would ask, can ye feel so now?"

This scripture came up in church yesterday. We were talking about the Holy Ghost, and recognizing when he is with you. I know I have not been as diligent in studying my scriptures, praying, etc. lately. I use the excuse of I'm busy raising kids. The fact is, I have been in a dark hole and I haven't realized it. I mean, sometimes I did, but not enough to do anything about it. I would ignore the feelings I had and bury them even deeper.

I want to be better. I want to have the spirit with me always. I want to be able to receive personal revelation and revelation for my family whenever I need to. If I'm not living in line with the Savior's teachings then it's not going to happen. Yesterday, someone also said the phrase "companionship of the Holy Ghost." I've heard this phrase a million times, but yesterday it dawned on me that having the spirit is a two-way street. No one wants to be in a relationship with someone who is not pulling their weight. Right now, I am not pulling my weight.

I'm working on finding myself, and in order to do that I need to embrace the fact that I am a daughter of God. He loves me and wants the best for me. I am here on this earth to become more like Him, and help others as well. I can't help anyone until I first take care of myself, so that's what I'm going to do. I am going to find my confidence and my voice. I am brilliant, bright, and beautiful and I will keep telling myself that until I believe it.

Day 3

Today started out as a downer day, but quickly got better with the help of my cute family. Ellie was in her first primary program, and later we had a birthday dinner for Aunt Brittany. It was just what I needed. I needed to have a reason to think about someone other than myself.

I've been really hard on myself lately. I've been frustrated at my short comings and annoyed with my weaknesses. The thing is, I'm human. If I don't accept myself for who I am how can I expect anyone else? I've decided that I need to be better at cheering myself on. I need to love myself.

I need to recognize my talents and not  be ashamed of them or belittle them. I am nurturing, funny, a good cook, unashamed of my beliefs, dependable, clever, smart, and beautiful. I ran across this quote in a book I'm reading called You are a Badass, "You are the only you there is or ever will be."

It takes just as much energy to think negatively or positively about myself. Why would I waste that energy putting myself down? I love my girls and I want them to love themselves. How are they ever going to do that if they don't have a good example around them? I am a daughter of God, and that's a big deal. I need to start acting like one.