Day 19

It's hard to stay motivated. I did pretty good yesterday, but today I'm really struggling. It doesn't help that the one time of day that you get to yourself either the baby refuses to sleep or the neighbor girl comes over to play while your toddler would be taking a nice long nap. I'm trying hard to stay positive and make good choices. Some days I rock it and other days I completely blow it.

Today is somewhere in the middle. I went running, cleaned a bathroom, got groceries, put them away, and found time for some spiritual meditation, but I didn't get anything else done. I was going to pull some orders for my shop. I was going to get more things put together for Ellie's birthday party. I was going to make a delicious snack for my girls' night tonight. I was going to clean the kitchen, vacuum, and mop. I have a plan for dinner tonight though, so there's that.

I still don't know what to do about my shop. Part of me still feels like I should close it down, but the other part of me wants to see where it takes me. I don't want to be a quitter. I always quit when things get too hard. If things don't come easy to me I don't even try. I've worked so hard on this shop, and even though I have a lot more work to do I want to keep going. Maybe I just need to be better about picking my priorities. I've been off-balance lately, I know I have. I wish spiritual nudges were easier to understand. More like spiritual jolts, you know.

Day 18

This last weekend the members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints gathered and watched a general conference. This conference is broadcast all over the world. Many member congregate in churches or (the lucky ones) in their homes. Some also attend the conference live in Salt Lake City, Utah. During the conference we hear from the leaders of the church speak on principles that they are inspired to extend to us. We get to hear from the prophet of God, who is a mouthpiece of the Lord and reveals revelation to us.

Lately, there have been a lot of changes in the Church of Jesus Christ. A few are:

1. Reorganization of some of the organizations in the church.
2. A deeper emphasis of gospel study at home by shortening the amount of time spent at church each Sunday.
3. Revamping the way that members take care of each other.

There were a lot of messages that were shared, but the one that stuck out to me is the importance of motherhood. According to "The Family - A Proclamation to the World" we learn that " Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children." This proclamation was introduced in 1995 as a stance of how the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints viewed the responsibilities of the family and such. I also know that I can be successful in anything I set my mind to. I want to raise worthy and worthwhile children who understand the importance of serving God and others.

After listening to all of the inspirational messages of the weekend I have a deep feeling that  I should pause doing my shop right now. It's not the right time. I don't know if there will ever be a good time, but now is definitely not it. I want to focus on my number one priority -- my family. My shop has been fun but it has taken from the time that I should be focusing on more important things. I've  been trying to decide if I should quit cold turkey, or if I should finish off the upcoming Christmas season. Since I just received a bunch of new inventory I feel as though I should work on selling as much of it as I can in the upcoming months then close down. I have a boutique that I have been accepted to vend at and another that I'm waiting to hear back from. I figure I will do the boutiques then do a big sale to get rid of the rest. After that I will close up shop.

When I mentioned to Jeremy that I was thinking I should stop selling things he was worried for me because he has seen how good it has been for me to have a hobby. It keeps me sane when dealing with little ones all day long. I agree that having a hobby is good, but I just don't think that Oh, Elle is the right hobby currently. It's too time consuming. I wouldn't mind working on my writing, drawing, and cooking skills. I think I would love to write a children's book one of these days.

Part of me is sad to let go of something that I have worked so hard on. The other part of me is relieved. Although I like having a shop, there are a lot of things I don't like. I don't like the marketing part of it. The social media side of it gives me anxiety and I always feel pressured to be posting. I think it will be a nice break.  

For now I am going to focus on the challenge Pres. Nelson issued the women of the church:

1. Take a 10 day fast from social media and any other media that distracts you from what is good.
2. Read the entire Book of Mormon by the end of the year.
3. Start going regularly to the temple.
4. Participate in Relief Society more fully.

Here goes a new chapter. Wish me luck!