I understand the need for seasons. I understand the need to experience things so that we can appreciate their counterparts. I understand the need for precipitation, but I am so done. I'm originally from sunny Southern Utah, and Northern Utah winters are particularly hard on me. I have a hard time with the snow, the cold temperatures, but I especially struggle with the gloomy clouds. Girl needs some sunshine. For some reason, this winter has dragged on for-ev-er. I keep checking the weather app on my phone for a siting of hope. So far, it's a no-go.
I think part of the reason this winter has seemed never ending is the sickness we have had in this house. February was the month from, well, you know where. It started with Ellie. She got a cold. Not just any cold, there were fevers, and aches, and coughing, and the nose that never stopped running. It lasted for two weeks. At the end of her first week Avery caught it. After Avery's first week of having it I caught it.
By the third week of February everything was looking up. Then Ellie started another cold that was basically a repeat of what we just got rid of. A day later Avery started showing the same symptoms. We were lucky enough to have Avery's cold turn into RSV. She timed it well enough to have it the week that Mister was out of town for a business trip. That was a good week full of hospital visits. We were blessed enough not to have to go during the middle of the night though. Avery actually handled RSV like a champ, and was looking pretty good by the end of the week.
In full disclosure, I do need to talk about a major miracle that happened. Knowing that I had to deal with her RSV solo, I knew it would be hard if I had to take her in during the middle of the night. I remember being on my knees in prayer. As tears fell I said, "I now miracles can happen, and I know trials can make us stronger. This time, can I please have a miracle? Please help Avery make it through the night without a trip to the hospital." I was granted a miracle.
Enter March. Enter snow. Just as I thought we were out of the woods from Avery's cold her coughing started to increase. Her breathing seemed more labored, again. At first I thought I was crazy. I thought I was just losing my patience (it had been two weeks of the same sickness by now, plus the other month of sickness before this one). Finally, last night I noticed that she was starting to wheeze. I decided to make an appointment with the doctor before we hit the weekend.
We found out that Avery has an ear infection in addition to her cold. They gave her a steroid shot to help with her breathing and a prescription for Amoxicillin for her ear. Last night was the best night we have slept in weeks. We only had one wake up call during the night, and she went right back to sleep after some love from us. Today she is pretty grumpy, but I think it's because her coughing woke her up pretty early this morning. I'm hoping that as soon as her medicine kicks in she'll get over this cold quick because my anxiety is at an all time high right now.
I can feel the walls crumbling down inside me and I don't know how to fix it. I have little to no patience with the girls right now, every time I look outside and see clouds I want to cry, and I have lost all motivation to do anything at all (even the things I love). I could really use a win right now. I need a sign of hope. I need to see a blossom, a tulip, or a daffodil. I need a day without coughing, runny noses, or tears. I need sunshine.
I have been able to find glimpses of joy though. I find them through meditation. I find them through prayer. I find them through my sweet family and friends. I find them through my adorable puppy. Spring will come, sickness will end, and peace will find me. I just need to keep holding on. I need to keep believing in better days, and I need to find the good in the bad days. I really am so blessed and I need to remember those blessings because that is what keeps me going. This winter will end.
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